Breath of Fresh Air

A Breath oh Fresh Air

Break on Through (extended version)

on June 30, 2017

So last week I wrote about the difference between our fantasies and our facts. In that post, I alluded to my recent attempt to get something I wrote published (and failing [for now]). I want to share with you all my submission, because regardless of what the Elephant Journal said, this is still a part of me and therefore it has value; my successes AND my failures are pieces of my heart and my journey to be better than my day before. I enjoyed drafting this revision based on their feedback; but what I learned is that you can’t turn a cookie into a cake after you bake it. Meaning, I should have started fresh with new ingredients for this new goal. So next time I will start from scratch; I have the will so there will eventually be a way! But in the interim, I hope you enjoy reading this follow up to my fantasy versus fact to find tour. This is the revised version of a post I initially shared on January 21, 2016 called “Break on Through”.

My alarm clock is either set for 5:16, 5:21, 5:36, or 5:46. Yes, a.m.

This is the best way for me to describe my mania of making the most of all my minutes. Each day my (ironically anti-structure) self carefully plans how to not to have any idle (aka wasted) time. Since waking up in October of 2012 (aka giving up alcohol), my version of living life to the fullest is negotiating something out of nothing and going past all to everything – I call this my magic middle. Charged with fitting more live into life, I changed my conditions to allow for will over won’t.

So, at this minute, I was getting my Masters in Organization Development, studying to get my personal training certification, working at a (miserable) full time plus job, searching for a less suck of a job, and capping my week off working Saturday mornings at a gym. And there were still the regular routines, including working out 8 days a week and working “down” 2-3 times a week with yoga. This was me bending my time; and it worked (until it didn’t).

My head didn’t see it until my soul started to feel… slow. Then I realized something was missing: I had gone from practicing yoga 2-3 times a week to once a week… maybe. This took a toll; my body, mind, and spirit missed the peace and energy my practice generated, leaving me too depleted and too full all at the same time. Without yoga, I wasn’t breaking out of the world and into the part of my brain from where all these words come from.

I needed a new method to my mania; to make more of my middle without more hours in my day. I couldn’t further bend time; what had to bend was my approach.

There was an obvious answer – online yoga; yoga that could come to me when I wanted. But the idea didn’t appeal to me; I liked being in class: the attention, the adjustments, the guidance, and the community. And most of all I loved letting myself be mindlessly led to mindfulness and positioned to be patient in my present. I didn’t think I could get any of that by watching someone online, practicing alone in my living room.

But here’s the thing: I hadn’t tried it – I just took it as my truth.

Now, let’s stop and let the mind-muck of this scene set in for a minute:  this is ignorance wearing the Emperor’s clothes.

Not sure where I wandered off my path of purpose and into a distorted version of “I think therefore I am,” but my mind was sure shortsighted under some sort of matter. Why do we do this? Jump away instead of toward even though we haven’t even dipped a toe in to test the water?

And this, this was so NOT me working to be better than the day before; this was me forgetting flexibility in favor of “F” it. ICK! My choices were to practice online or to not practice as much, and in my right reflection that isn’t a choice – it’s a (get your head out of your donkey) done deal. If we don’t try to best our best; if we don’t test our “truths” – how can we ever become our betters?

So, I let go of my limits (aka my untested “truths”) and finally tried it… AND – I liked it!

Letting go let me be aware of and break through barriers to my best that I didn’t know I had.

Letting go eliminated distraction, allowing me to discover that my motivation to practice yoga had shifted to something intrinsic – a mindfully magical thing in and of itself.

So, as it turns out, my “truth”, not my time, was my trap. My middle wasn’t (isn’t!) maxed; my perspective was predicated (prevented!) by my self-imposed limits.

I don’t want to limit my life (so therefore I won’t).

breakTake your test by breaking through your “truths”; transcend from assumption to awareness; from absence to accountability; from ignorance to intention.

Not later. NOW.

Where could your life g(r)o(w) if you let go of your limits?

Where could the world g(r)o(w) if you let go of your limits?

And… most importantly… what are you waiting for?

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