Breath of Fresh Air

A Breath oh Fresh Air

Seeing Things for the First Time

on March 17, 2017

phoenixMy phoenix story actually started while I worked at a place called Phoenix Rising.

(yep, the irony of that isn’t subtle).

I spent the first (almost) forty years of my life not knowing that I even needed re-inventing. I guess I thought I was good enough just the way I was. And maybe for that moment, I was – meaning, I am a strong believer that your experiences build your better. I know I had to go through all my good and bad to get to even wanting to be better.

So – my first me. She was fun (until she wasn’t); she took risks (and she always got caught!); and she purposefully avoided her “potential” because she liked to do anything but what she was supposed to do (so.. the free spirits side of her stuck around lol). But mostly, she partied; she partied like this was her purpose.

For a long part of my wandering while, I wasn’t lost; I loved what I did for work and for play. I felt present and at peace with my fortune and future, even though my peace was artificially placed. If life looked better that way, then why not choose that look at life? It didn’t seem self-destructive or sabotaging. It was just what I knew – about life and about me.

What I can see now that I couldn’t see then, was that we (she – me –I) never bothered to look any further forward or dig any deeper. We didn’t see a reason to. Even when our living to work life(style) had stopped working; when the work had stopped satisfying us in any way and the satisfaction was replaced by stress. Instead we just ignored the stress and stayed tuned to a dimension of distraction, which only helped us further develop our skills as a professional party girl.

I just didn’t consider any of this a problem, or to be limiting in any way. I wanted to own my own restaurant, and as far as I was concerned, my lifestyle went with that flow and that was limitless in itself. But then this girl got interrupted –some (didn’t wish for but in retrospect blessing in disguise) experiences helped me grow out of my party dress, and suddenly life got to a point where (for the first time) sobriety was my only sanity and savior.

And when I woke up from a many year haze I was ready to be more: to re-invent me, and to meet my better self.

I wasn’t concerned with any statues of limitations on starting over. For me, it wasn’t about starting over because I accepted what I couldn’t (cannot) change. For me, it was about just starting; letting go of the girl I had always been and seeing something next for her for the first time.

And then I wasn’t the party girl anymore; my re-invent was into a go-get-it girl who was going (and has now went to!) many places; living out all my possibilities with all my potential.

Today, I am the girl in my Grateful Dead shoes who listened to Louis Armstrong, Bob Marley, and the Allmans on her morning run.feet

Tomorrow, I will be the girl in yoga pants, training to teach people how to hear their hearts over the heads, and replace their fears with freedoms (aka practice yoga).

And in my every day, I will always speak (fierce and soft) truths, as I practice and purpose re-inventing me, inspired by my constant motive to be better than my day before.

I will be a perpetual phoenix.

(?Will you?)





4 responses to “Seeing Things for the First Time

  1. Atha says:

    Jen wow beautifully written and inspiring. I look forward to the evolution of this you. Enjoy the magic of the journey!


  2. […] really don’t want to live a life that has room for excuses; I want to create a life that is limitless. So the next time we are talking, and I tell you I haven’t started the Life Coach certification […]


  3. […] really don’t want to live a life that has room for excuses; I want to create a life that is limitless. So the next time we are talking, and I tell you I haven’t started the Life Coach certification […]


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