Breath of Fresh Air

A Breath oh Fresh Air

State of Love and Trust

on September 25, 2015

Something I strive to be is trustworthy.  This isn’t as simple as saying I am; to me, this is a show versus tell situation. Being trustworthy is comprised of authentic actions that stand on top of our words in a “Queen (/King!) of the Mountain” fashion: Queen

  • Doing what we say we will do (in a reasonable amount of time).
  • Admitting our vulnerability to ourselves and others.
  • Honoring (and expecting) honesty over bullshit.
  • Valuing relationships; always remaining respectful and sincere.
  • Having the courage to place our trust in others and in ourselves.

I practice these postures as I continue to construct my character. My process isn’t linear or perfect; it is (I am!) ongoing and open. Lately I have been sensitive to the amount of trust I place in myself.

We all know that I am slowly changing my life to align myself, well, more with myself. These (all…) changes come with a provisional price (risk), but also with potential for peace and a place to put my passion (reward). Currently I want to make changes that may be more carefree than cautious, and I am finding reasonability restricting. I want to do more leaping and less looking.

I have made some good and bad leaps in my life, and both kinds have made me into who I am today. They have been my greatest lessons learned, and my life has always gone on. As I grow more into life (a much better way to say “get older”!), my instinct seems too often compromised by (over)insight and it dissolves into indecision. I think of practical over purpose, and consider first my chances of falling versus flying.

So sometimes I think and therefore I don’t do.

Herein lays my trust trap: when does being practical become harmful versus helpful? Can protecting myself be preventing myself? And over the rainbow to the optimistic side of overthinking: what if I leap without looking long and it turns out all right instead of all wrong?

Most decisions don’t have to be permanent (even though the [positives or] penalties may seem so). We may end up further from the starting line than we were to begin with if we make a mis-step, but can we really not be better off for not having tried?

So… what’s trust got to do with all this?

My energy for exercising my best life is abundant; I function at full speed and if I am not careful, my ideas move too fast to fully form into my ideals. This can turn my reliability into recklessness without me realizing it.

This is when my most trusted people step in, hoping to harness my energy so I leap with a safe landing in sight. There is no intention to inhibit me, and if anything they believe in me more than I do. But right now and perhaps unreasonably, I want to LEAP less from looking and more on hope and faith, and just trust (myself!) that I will land somewhere safe.

So… who do I trust – them or me? Is my pause plagued by self-protection (aka a part of me that knows they are right) or self-doubt (aka not trusting that I can try and thrive)?

… As I write my way through this, I realize I am not going to end up with the results I was rallying for.  When I started this, I thought my ending would reconcile risk and reward in a way that illustrated that I should cut cords and leap long. But in honoring honesty, I asked myself if I am really reliable right now; if I am genuinely the best source of trust in my tomorrow. Given what I went through this summer, my “seize the day” sword is at my side (too) ready to slay. I am all too aware of time and afraid of missing out (on me); this makes me more reckless than reliable.

So back where I started… I set out here to tell myself to trust myself:

I honored honesty and admitted I was vulnerable. I vented about the value of my relationships and realized raw sincerity. And now, in order to do what I said I was going to do, I realize that last step that shows I am trustworthy is to trust myself to trust my others. And this is my state of love and trust.

So this time, I don’t fall or fly; instead I find middle ground – I keep one foot on the land while the other’s toes dip into new waters, gradually working towards my gratification.

My protection is not my prevention – it is only a placeholder until my purpose produces harmony between my practical and my (pursuit of) peace.

3 responses to “State of Love and Trust

  1. Love the Harmony concept! And the song!


  2. Maggie says:

    Life is a journey and we learn lessons along the way. Trust is one of the lessons we learn. Sometimes joyful, sometime sorrowful.


  3. jpearl19 says:

    Great point Maggie. And sometimes it takes more than once for us to really learn…. Thanks for your comment, your reading, and your support! xo


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